I am starting this blog to help my heart heal and feel and deal.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
You are near me
Most amazing thing happened while we were camping. I was walking through the campground with Murray and a friends 6 year old daughter Emma who knows all about what yellow butterflies mean to me. I look down in the dirt........in the dirt.........and shining up at me is this metallic yellow butterfly. I showed it to both kids and Murray of course said "butterflies make you happy mama" and sweet Emma (who shoos any yellow butterflies she sees back to me by telling them "shoo shoo, hurry go to Cristin so she will know you are ok"). This just completely astounded me. I know in my heart it was a message from Cayden. I believe he was telling me to keep going the path I am trying to take. Keep trying to find my way to happiness and he will be with us. I am trying sweet Cayden, I am trying. For you and for Murray.
Go ahead and mention my child, The one that died, you know. Don't worry about hurting me further. The depth of my pain doesn't show. Don't worry about making me cry. I'm already crying inside. Help me to heal by releasing the tears that I try to hide. I'm hurt when you just keep silent, Pretending she didn't exist. I'd rather you mention my child, Knowing that she has been missed. You asked me how I was doing. I say "pretty good" or "fine". But healing is something ongoing I feel it will take a lifetime. ~ Elizabeth Dent ~
I am 40, married to Eric the most amazing man since '06 (although we have been together since '98. I have 2 step sons Devon 15 and Riley 12 and my amazingly wonderful son Murray 3 and my angel baby boy Cayden who slipped from my arms to Gods in August '09.