I am starting this blog to help my heart heal and feel and deal.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
mommy of an angel
So Weds was a brutal day. I spent so much of the day thinking what could have and should have been with Cayden. We had so many plans for our fall. Everything is different now than it should have been. But in the midst of this Malory from mommy of an angel sent me an email. She had taken the time to think of my son. She, of the same broken hearts club as me, thought of me, thought of Cayden and took time to celebrate his life. She wrote his name on a happy yellow balloon and released it to the heavens for my boy. My heart about burst when I saw the photos. There is a Swedish proverb that says "Shared joy is doubled joy. Sorrow shared is half sorrow". Knowing you are here with me, sharing our sorrow......it helps. Thank you Malory. Thank you.
Go ahead and mention my child, The one that died, you know. Don't worry about hurting me further. The depth of my pain doesn't show. Don't worry about making me cry. I'm already crying inside. Help me to heal by releasing the tears that I try to hide. I'm hurt when you just keep silent, Pretending she didn't exist. I'd rather you mention my child, Knowing that she has been missed. You asked me how I was doing. I say "pretty good" or "fine". But healing is something ongoing I feel it will take a lifetime. ~ Elizabeth Dent ~
I am 40, married to Eric the most amazing man since '06 (although we have been together since '98. I have 2 step sons Devon 15 and Riley 12 and my amazingly wonderful son Murray 3 and my angel baby boy Cayden who slipped from my arms to Gods in August '09.