I am starting this blog to help my heart heal and feel and deal.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Couldn't sleep at all last night. Just couldn't shut my mind off. Kept replaying little moments of the time I had with Cayden over and over and over. Kept trying to remember every single little detail about him, about our time together. And so this put me over the edge.........was still wide awake when Eric got up for work and then the tears started and wouldn't stop. Was up at 730 with Murray. Needless to say this has not been the most stable emotion days for me. Trying to go to bed now and catch up on some sleep but I think my boy Murray is getting sick so he is whinnnneeeeyyyy and NOTHING will make him happy. Arent' we a pair tonight my boy.
Go ahead and mention my child, The one that died, you know. Don't worry about hurting me further. The depth of my pain doesn't show. Don't worry about making me cry. I'm already crying inside. Help me to heal by releasing the tears that I try to hide. I'm hurt when you just keep silent, Pretending she didn't exist. I'd rather you mention my child, Knowing that she has been missed. You asked me how I was doing. I say "pretty good" or "fine". But healing is something ongoing I feel it will take a lifetime. ~ Elizabeth Dent ~
I am 40, married to Eric the most amazing man since '06 (although we have been together since '98. I have 2 step sons Devon 15 and Riley 12 and my amazingly wonderful son Murray 3 and my angel baby boy Cayden who slipped from my arms to Gods in August '09.