Tuesday, October 27, 2009

avoidance is not bliss

It's been a while since I blogged. I haven't even really followed anyone elses blogs. I suppose I was trying the avoidance trick. Turns out that doesn't work very well.
My life has been utter chaos these last weeks. We got insulation blown into our walls, which left us with 2 1/2 holes drilled 2 feet from the floor every 14 inches on every exterior wall. We have been patching walls, texturizing and painting. Of course being he wreck that I am.......I want change. I have been changing wall colors and moving all he furniture. But since we can only do so much at a time it leaves the rest of the house in complete chaos. I also have a wicked urge to declutter and get rid of things. I don't know where all this is coming from. I'm sure a professional could get to the bottom of it, and I'm quite sure it has something to do losing my sweet boy. I just don't have the energy to figure out what it's about. I guess if it leaves me with a cleaned up clutter free house in the end it's for the best.
Here's the tuff part, in all of this we decided it would be a good idea to take the crib down from Murrays room. Knowing full well it's a sinch to put back up with we get pregs again. But damn it hurt. I sat on the floor and cried. That crib should be in full use right now. Not being taken down and stored for later.
Positive thing? My amazing boy Murray never forgets Cayden. He says goodnight to him almost every night. And today when he found me crying he asked Cayden when we would be getting another baby in mamas tummy and Caydens answer according to Murray was in half a minute. I suppose I can wait half a minute. But wait is that in angel time? How does that calculate to mama time?

1 comment:

  1. ((HUGS)) It had to be very hard, I am so sorry. I love the 1/2 a minute. We all know we have to wait for God's time in all things. I will pray for you.