I am starting this blog to help my heart heal and feel and deal.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Kindness of Strangers
Another weekend has come and gone. My angel has been gone for 2 weeks yesterday. I am still an emotional wreck. I in no way resemble the happy cheerful silly person I was before. But I have learned from my new friends who have faced this same pain that I am right where I should be. They have told me over and over that where I am and what I am feeling is exactly right. I am shocked by the kindness of the women who have lost their own babies. They have reached out to me and given me so much. Laura from String of Pearls has been there when I was close to going hysterical. Becky from String of Pearls has been there with me from the hospital and reaches out to me every couple of days. She calms me and reassures me. Rhonda another mother I met thru Cayden's neurosurgeon called and spoke to me for over an hour and a half last night. Hearing her heartbreak with me and for her lost angel after 3 years let me know that I will never forget my Cayden. I will never not miss him. He is my son and will forever be a part of my family. I can only hope that someday I will be able to pay forward some of the kindness shown to me.
Go ahead and mention my child, The one that died, you know. Don't worry about hurting me further. The depth of my pain doesn't show. Don't worry about making me cry. I'm already crying inside. Help me to heal by releasing the tears that I try to hide. I'm hurt when you just keep silent, Pretending she didn't exist. I'd rather you mention my child, Knowing that she has been missed. You asked me how I was doing. I say "pretty good" or "fine". But healing is something ongoing I feel it will take a lifetime. ~ Elizabeth Dent ~
I am 40, married to Eric the most amazing man since '06 (although we have been together since '98. I have 2 step sons Devon 15 and Riley 12 and my amazingly wonderful son Murray 3 and my angel baby boy Cayden who slipped from my arms to Gods in August '09.