I am starting this blog to help my heart heal and feel and deal.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Friends of the Heart
I'm sure so many of you have been touched by Lea from Nicholas' Touch and Angel Wings Memorial Boutique. She sent me hand crafted Angel Wings shortly after I lost Cayden and we have remained in touch. She lives soo far from me, but always seems to know just when I need to hear from her and her words are always like a salve to my wounded soul. A few days ago, I had just had a difficult day. My mother and sister in law and I had just, and I mean just, came back from visiting my friend with the 2 month old little boy. The one who was a tiny little premie, from an older big mother like myself, who shares the same doctor and hospital as Cayden and I. These visits are sooo hard. I try to steel myself and be cheerful and happy and look at her son and talk to him, but both times I have seen him I come home defeated, depressed and just exhausted. I sat in the car in front of my house rehashing the visit and crying. I grabbed the mail when I got out of the car...........and there it was, Lea had sent me some wonderful little yellow butterflies, because they made her think of Cayden and I. So really, honestly they came at the perfect time. I truly want to take a page out of Leas book and think of others more than I think of my own pain. The simple fact that she, in the midst of her busy life (made harder by the beating of a mothers heart who has lost her son) thought of me, and acted on her thoughts.......there is good in this world. You give me hope.
Go ahead and mention my child, The one that died, you know. Don't worry about hurting me further. The depth of my pain doesn't show. Don't worry about making me cry. I'm already crying inside. Help me to heal by releasing the tears that I try to hide. I'm hurt when you just keep silent, Pretending she didn't exist. I'd rather you mention my child, Knowing that she has been missed. You asked me how I was doing. I say "pretty good" or "fine". But healing is something ongoing I feel it will take a lifetime. ~ Elizabeth Dent ~
I am 40, married to Eric the most amazing man since '06 (although we have been together since '98. I have 2 step sons Devon 15 and Riley 12 and my amazingly wonderful son Murray 3 and my angel baby boy Cayden who slipped from my arms to Gods in August '09.