Thursday, March 11, 2010

the universe is a bitch

My laptop went kapoot, so I had to make an appointment to get her fixed. So I go. I am standing at the counter with the very nice mac kid who is helping me and doing this and that and looking this up and testing that. Here is where the bitch part comes in.......who is standing RIGHT next to me doing their thing with their mac person? Mom and grandma and BABY. Ok to tough enough, but I tell myself "self.....there are babies in this world and you are going to have to deal with that. you love babies. you always have. you have always been drawn to them. you are going to have to go and see your friends new baby soon enough. so this is a good time to just suck it up and look at and even interact with a baby." my little self pep talk worked. i turned to and coo'd at said little baby, was doing quite fine (save the rock that formed in my gut) UNTILLLLLL mac dude asks how old this baby is.........7 MOTHER SCRATCHING MONTHS. How old would my Cayden be you wonder? 7 MOTHER SCRATCHING MONTHS. Anyone care to tell me what the gawd damned odds are that I would get stuck next to a baby the same age that Cayden SHOULD be???? I mean come on universe? What sin have I commited that I have to be punished like that? It was all I could do to not stand there and fricken cry. Friendly little mac dude would have thought I was crying about my stupid laptop. I made it half way out the mall before the tears let loose. Tears streaming, I frantically call Eric and try to escape. But of course super friendly store guy at Dicks Sporting Goods (which I had to walk through to get out to my van) "oh miss, are you ok? can i help you find something?". why yes super friendly dicks dude..........MY SON. can you help me find my SON? he seems to be missing from my life and i need him here. i really really want to know where it is that i screwed up so royal that this sort of think gets to be my life? haven't i paid whatever debt to the universe i was sentenced to? i mean COME ON!!! I give. I give in. I give up.

Now can I get a break?

1 comment:

  1. It is all so hard. I see babies and instantly start crying. People who do not know me probably wonder what the heck is wrong with me. I just have so many tears when I see babies because I miss mine so much. I did see someone's rainbow baby last weekend and that was the 1st time I had not cried. Seeing this baby brought hope to me as I know what her mom went through for her to be here.

    I hope you get the break you are looking for. I know how hard it is. xx