Monday, February 15, 2010

Who might you have been?

It's so strange to me how my mind and soul work in regards to Cayden. So many lost baby mamas that I follow seem to see their angels as they were or as they should be at that moment. And I suppose I do that too, to some degree. I mean looking at newborns anywhere takes my breath away and whenever I see a baby that is about 6 months old, same thing. But I actually find myself looking more and more at young men and wondering if THAT'S what he would have looked like. Dark haired boys with cleft chins send my mind spiraling. I see a young dark haired boy lean down to hug his mother or something and I think "oh, oh my Cayden would have done that". I wonder if I will always do that.


  1. I find myself doing that exact same thing...

  2. I found myself staring at a 12 yr oldish girl over our valentines's dinner. She was so excited to tell a story to her mom. She had that insecure goofy smile & laugh that seems to plague teen girls. I watched as she told her story & giggled away to her mom. I thought to myself how much I would love to experience that. The mother daughter relationship. This girl had pale skin such a mine & dark hair. I wondered if Janessa would have resembled her in some way. I think I will always do this. I don't think I will ever stop wondering what could of been.

  3. I hope your phone pinging makes you smile. ;)

    I need your e-mail addey, so I can add you to my blog.

    And on your post, its hard not to wonder and question where your child should be right now, wondering who they would look like, how they would act. In a way, having other children is hard as I know what my boys should be doing at their ages. I've been through, i've seen my other children grow and change before my eyes. Its hard not to be able to do that with my baby boys. At least, they'll always be my babies. They won't grow up on me. Lots of *hugs*